Feilan (qutesh_geb) wrote,
Feilan
qutesh_geb

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about time

Things lately seem to be falling in place and it feels so wonderful. Nothing is perfect of course but it's definitely a start. Yesterday I managed to get a job interview scheduled for tomorrow for a loss prevention job. I'm really excited about it...of course nothing is 100% but everyone's always saying it's getting the interview that's the hardest part, right? So I'm hoping for the best. Assuming that does work out the way I'm hoping *crosses fingers* there's the other things that seem to slowly be working themselves out as well. I got a car, my friendships are finally starting to repair themselves so I'm not feeling so shitty about how those are. Then there's the thing that is still up in the air that I'm no entirely sure what's going to happen. That is, with the possibility of moving in with Rino. His sister he said if for sure moving in January and his mom wishes to move as well (if I've mentioned it before bear with me). Rino and I have lived together before but I'm trying not to get too excited over the possibility in case something should happen where I'm not able to. I'm hoping (with the hopeful job thing again) that I'll be able to do ok enough to start putting some money aside. I do want to move out but I know I'm not going to be able to by myself.

Of course there's the other great thing (or person rather) that always has me in a good mood. Joe :) It's so random how we managed to meet, and we kept talking for so long before we finally met and eventually started dating. I just remember being so nervous when we first met and thinking the whole time that he probably wanted to find a way to just leave and not have to spend time with me. Yes, my paranoid brain was worried about that...he was so shy and I was just so confused. But now, every time I see him I just wanna hold em and not let him go home (even when I know he has work or school the next day ;) heh). Chris asked me at one point how serious it was, which was fair since they've seen the ups and downs of my bad relationships over the years and the question just made me smile. Of course I think it serious, I don't see how I could be dating someone for nearly a year and it not be. :p Beyond the timeline though, he just makes me feel happy, like a happy I hadn't felt with all those failed attempts at relationships before. I love him, and feel safe with him and so relaxed (sometimes too relaxed as I seem to fall asleep a lot). I don't even know why I feel the need to write it out, he knows how I feel (or I should hope so) as do my friends. Rino and I were talking about him when we were hanging out and he just kept telling me how much they all adored him, not just because of how they get long (when they're able to get him talking anyways) but because they're my family and they know I'm really happy. Granted, him living at home and me living at home isn't ideal but we've made it work this far, and I'm sure we'll figure it out...

The things you're not supposed to say (at least out loud) I feel comfortable doing. Like talking to him when I'm upset (even though I know I worry him sometimes when I get really upset) or when we've joked about moving and moving in together. I know (or at least I hope I know) that we both joke about it but do want it...at some point. I can say I wish that were possible now but I know we're both just not able to do that at the moment (being unemployed will do that). My brain is just kind of all over the place I guess, he's what I wake up thinking about and go to sleep thinking about wanting to have it be like the times we've been able to wake up and fall asleep next to each other. Not having to think about things like they are now when we know that moment's going to come when one of us has to leave and go home. Enough sap out of me for one night I think. :)
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