Feilan (qutesh_geb) wrote,
Feilan
qutesh_geb

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make it stop

I don't even know how I have managed to get through the last day or so or however it's long it's been. I honestly have no sense of time right now. I think spending so much time on wow since I had to put Bo down has just made me kind of forget about everything that's real and then the pain of it all wasn't really hitting me. I was thinking about it...and then I looked at the pictures again from the last time I got to hold him, and I am just crying again. I don't know how to feel about it and what's harder is I don't know how to live with my family knowing what insensitive assholes they are about this whole thing. Then there's the other little stuff bugging me like how when I call people who are supposed to be my close friends because I'm dealing with something really traumatic...they don't call me back even days later or answer their phones. Like Rino for example... -.- I'm going to take some sleeping pills in a bit and try to go back to bed once I stop crying but all I keep doing is holding the towel that I wrapped him up and took him to the vet in and crying. I don't want to do anything else I just want to sleep and feel nothing. Maybe it would be easier if I was around people I don't know but right now the only people I could bear to be around are Joe and Steven and both have their own stuff going on so I'm here at home which might be even worse because every time I look at the backdoor of the house, that leads to where Bo used to stay...I feel my heart drop and start feeling even worse.

Some people have told me the best thing to do is to get another pet soonish to replace him so that I can put some so much attention and love into it that it'll help with the grieving for Bo...normally I'd agree because that's how I ended up with him in the first place. But with this family, and with how much I distrust my cousin now, I would never feel right bringing an animal into this house again.
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